Image: “Winter Melancholy” Irca & Jacky K.
Original Song: “I Wonder if You Ever Think of Me” and Commentary
I wrote this song about 40 years ago, made a homemade studio recording of it about 20 years ago. Recently, my husband Ron created a video using his own photos and videos selections featuring the song.
Introduction, the Lyric, and the Video
The lyric of “I Wonder if You Ever Think of Me” displays in four cinquains and one single line, which concludes the lyric by repeating the chorus-like line, transforming the title from wondering to knowing. The time frame runs from winter to the beginning of spring, with the singer signaling “snow” in the opening line and concluding with winter having turned to spring.
The song follows a lost-love theme, which therefore relies on melancholic images such as “gray sky” in the opening cinquain, “bare branch” in the second, “wind is blowing cold” in the third, “empty house” in the final stanza. Despite the theme of melancholy and the lost-love subject, the rendition maintains a rather fast paced rhythm, which allows room for interpretation regarding the depth of the sorrow that appears to be elucidated.
I Wonder if You Ever Think of Me
Now the snow is on the ground.
I walk through the yard.
Your footsteps I can’t find.
Gray sky is pressing me down,
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
Light through my window comes late.
I stand and I watch
Bare branch against the sky.
I take a walk down by the bridge,
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
Outside the wind is blowing cold.
My heart beats fast
To think you may be near.
I walk back to my bed,
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
Night turns to day, winter to spring.
I walk down the road,
My dog my only friend.
I walk back to the empty house,
And I guess I know you never think of me.
I guess I know you never think of me.
Commentary on “I Wonder if You Ever Think of Me”
What may at first blush seem to be a “lost-love” theme filled with sorrow and foreboding can be understood in actuality as quite the opposite—an affirmation of the efficacy of musing, ruminating, and clear-eyed observation.
First Cinquain: Beginning a Winter Tale
Now the snow is on the ground.
I walk through the yard.
Your footsteps I can’t find.
Gray sky is pressing me down,
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
The singer begins to set the stage by revealing the season of the year in which she is making her musing. “Snow” likely says, it is winter time. A cold beginning foreshadows the mood of the piece as the singer wonders if the addressee ever thinks of her. Before revealing what she is wondering, she adds two details that set her glum mood.
The sky is gray and causing her mood to be low and likely sad, but more likely the detail responsible for her mood is that she cannot see the footprints of the addressee in the snow. That a natural phenomenon of the gray sky accompanying the lack of footprints of a likely lost loved one is wholly understandable. Human emotion often tinges the nature of things surrounding it.
Second Cinquain: Bare Branch and Gray Sky Compound the Melancholy
Light through my window comes late.
I stand and I watch
Bare branch against the sky.
I take a walk down by the bridge,
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
The singer then reveals that she is looking out a window and the sun seems to have delayed its arrival that morning, as it is coming late. She continues to stand at the window looking out at the winter branches on the trees; they are, of course, bare, having experienced the autumn season that preceded the current time frame. The “bare branch” is set “against the sky,” revealing another detail of the melancholy which the singer is experiencing. Bare branches are not considered to be as beautiful as branches full of leaves as in spring and summer.
It has already been revealed that the sky is “gray,” and thus the coupling a gray sky and bare branch work together the compound the melancholy mood of the singer. The singer is then on the move; she walks down to the bridge. She then repeats the chant-like refrain of wondering if the addressee thinks of her. Likely the walk was intended to mitigate the melancholy of her wondering, but it has not helped thus she repeats her refrain.
Third Cinquain: A Fantastic Interlude
Outside the wind is blowing cold.
My heart beats fast
To think you may be near.
I walk back to my bed,
And I wonder if you ever think of me.
Instead of supplying any detail of the walk back to her house, the singer just suddenly places herself there as she notices that a cold wind is rustling “outside.” The singer’s continued attempt to mitigate her painful wondering causes her mind to become jerked about, leaving out details that her listeners might want to have as they try to follow her narrative.
Again, the speaker adds an important detail that remains otherworldly; her heart begins to beat fast because the thought has arisen that, in fact, the addressee may actually “be near”—not just in her thought but in physical reality. But instead of rushing to window to look to see if that nearness is likely, she simply “walk[s] back to [her] bed.” Again, her refrain becomes dominant as she “wonder[s] if [the addressee] ever thinks of [her].”
Fourth Cinquain: Winter Bleeds into Spring
Night turns to day, winter to spring.
I walk down the road,
My dog my only friend.
I walk back to the empty house,
And I guess I know you never think of me.
Quite a bit of time has passed from the time frame of the first three cinquains; it is now spring. But the singer conflates the changing of the season with nighttime turning to daytime. Her mind is on the passage of time. Time is supposed to possess a healing power. Observing the changing of temporal phenomena may become part of the healing process.
But now the singer reveals that she is on the move again; this time she is simply taking a walk “down the road” and she is accompanied by her dog. She confides that her dog is her “only friend.” Thus her listener can be assured that she is still alone, still missing the addressee, even before she reveals that her house is still empty. Again, the refrain of wondering if the addressee thinks of her becomes a final or near final expression. She has continued to wonder as she wandered from winter to spring, as night becomes day, as she strolls about with or without her dog friend, and as she has continued to observe the things around her.
Final Single Line: The Return of Harmony and Balance
I guess I know you never think of me.
The final single line reveals that the singer has reached a conclusion. She now knows that the addressee does not ever think of her. She does not reveal explicitly how she knows that, but she has made it clear the she has cogitated on the issue for at least a whole season. She began in winter time observing the absence of the addresses by the absence of footprints in the snow. She strolled through the yard, she strolled down the bridge, and she stood at her window watching as night turned to day and one season bled into another.
The listener can then easily assume that as the singer did all of these things, she was musing, turning over in her mind details about the relationship with the addressee. Thus with all of this musing and cogitation, she has reached the conclusive answer to the question, and it is no, the addressee never thinks of her. The fast pace of the song reveals a certain mood of affirmation despite the melancholy that many of the images impart. The singer has therefore not composed a dirge but a hymn to the importance of musing, cogitation, and observation. The human heart may be persuaded to lighten if the mind of the observer remains focused on achieving balance and harmony.
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