Leave off the Past Again and Again

Leave off the Past Again and Again

for Me as a Young Girl

Leave off the past again and again—
Because I got used to trying to run
When I was too young to know,
I didn’t have to run but merely walk well.

The others seemed to be always ahead
And I could never catch up.
The pain in my side told me
I could not compete.

But I wore my misery like a veil
Covering some future tranquility
That I could never achieve
In the darkness of adolescence.

Why did I not see that I could breathe
Free in the air of ancient philosophy? —
Even after I learned to walk with tenets
And practice techniques for freedom?

Peace is a heavenly state of being,
Secured by tranquility and mindfulness,
But it is not easy to sit still
With a body screaming out pain.

The more I put off, the more I fail
But I seem to know what I do not know
Even as I break my heart over
My vague thoughts and prayers.