Emily Dickinson’s “I gave myself to Him”

Emily Dickinson’s “I gave myself to Him”

The speaker in Emily Dickinson’s “I gave myself to Him” is musing on the imbalance that remains even after one has surrendered one’s life to God the Creator.

Introduction and Text of “I gave myself to Him”

The speaker in Emily Dickinson’s “I gave myself to Him” is exploring the idea that after having devoted her attention to the Creator by giving herself “to Him,” she finds that the giving of such a gift cannot be mutual.  She suggests the idea that the gift of herself will surely disappoint the Giver and Creator of all things.

She leaves open the notion there may be some mutual gain because “[s]ome” have “found it” so.  She is likely referring to testimony from the saints who assure their listening audience of the great riches attained by such surrender to God.

The speaker is likely reassuring herself that such a bargain cannot bring about an occasion to boast, nor can it eliminate the necessity to remain humble.  Her ultimate conclusion may seem pessimistic at first. 

However, God remains the ultimate authority to which the human heart, mind, and soul must surrender regardless of any emphasis of mutuality in considering gain and loss.  Thus without stating the conclusion directly, the speaker is implying that the human debt to God has to remain insolvent until the soul grasps its relationship to its Creator.

I gave myself to Him

I gave myself to Him –
And took Himself, for Pay,
The solemn contract of a Life
Was ratified, this way –

The Wealth might disappoint –
Myself a poorer prove
Than this great Purchaser suspect,
The Daily Own – of Love

Depreciate the Vision –
But till the Merchant buy –
Still Fable – in the Isles of Spice –
The subtle Cargoes – lie –

At least – ’tis Mutual – Risk –
Some – found it – Mutual Gain –
Sweet Debt of Life – Each Night to owe –
Insolvent – every Noon –

Commentary on “I gave myself to Him”

The speaker is exploring the nature of her relationship with her Divine Creator, the Heavenly Father, Divine Mother, or God.  Although she professes to have given her life to her Creator or Heavenly Father, she discovers that she still owes a debt that can never fully be repaid.

First Stanza:  Surrendering Her Life to the Divine 

I gave myself to Him –
And took Himself, for Pay,
The solemn contract of a Life
Was ratified, this way –

The speaker begins with a somewhat ambiguous statement that she has given herself to “Him.”  The capitalized, masculine pronoun “Him” indicates she is likely referring to her Creator (God).  Such capitalization is known as reverential or biblical capitalization.  She continues to employ the reverential capital in the second line with the reflexive, masculine pronoun “Himself.” 

The idea of giving oneself or one’s life to God is hardly a novel one.  The religious and spiritual minded become positively gleeful at the notion of surrendering their lives to their Creator.  So upon first encountering the speaker’s claim, the reader will then wonder what new or fascinating rendition of such a confession might be in the offing.

The speaker then begins to elaborate.  After surrendering herself to God, the speaker affirms that her life became a reality. Her “contract” offers her “Pay,” or something substantial for her surrender.

That contract, in fact, “ratified” her existence.  Just as a political contract, such as the American Constitution, had to be ratified, the speaker’s life was ratified or put into existence by affirmation by the contract she made when she gave her life to God.

Second Stanza:  An Economics (Trade) Metaphor 

The Wealth might disappoint –
Myself a poorer prove
Than this great Purchaser suspect,
The Daily Own – of Love

The speaker then admits that the “Purchaser” of her insignificant life might well be disappointed because she may prove to be “poorer” than the Purchaser of her contract might have suspected.

The “great Purchaser” (God) may find that her ability to offer love may not be up to the standards He might expect.  Of course, she is demonstrating her ability to remain humble because she is well aware that God’s love will always outweigh, outshine, and outpace her own.

Likely she is simply thinking of or musing on possibilities, as she employs an economics (trade) metaphor with such terms as “wealth,” “Purchaser,” and “Own.”   She cannot know how important this life choice is going to be for her ability to love or to navigate the seas upon which her life’s boat will have to sail.  

The speaker can only contemplate at this point, although she does know she can be certain that God’s love will always be greater than she could ever afford; the inevitability of such remains a given, a concept that even the most ardent atheist can grasp even if not accept.

Third Stanza:  Speculating on Her Importance

Depreciate the Vision –
But till the Merchant buy –
Still Fable – in the Isles of Spice –
The subtle Cargoes – lie –

The speaker continues to muse and employ a trade metaphor.  She suggests that one must lower expectations until the time has arrived to sell the product.  Although she has, in fact, given her life over to the “Purchaser,” she has continued to speculate about her own importance.  

Thus she wonders if she might have oversold her own self in the process.  She then suggests that like the precious “Cargoes” that remain in places from which rich spices are harvested, she may have presented herself as a fabulous commodity that is yet to be realized, like those “subtle Cargoes.”  They remain “subtle” until they are delivered.  And until they are delivered they simply rest or “lie” in one place.

Fourth Stanza:  Equal Loss – Equal Gain

At least – ’tis Mutual – Risk –
Some – found it – Mutual Gain –
Sweet Debt of Life – Each Night to owe –
Insolvent – every Noon –

Finally, the speaker seems to come to the notion that the exchange is not all one-sided:  there may be a chance of failure on both sides.  Yet, she asserts that there are those (saints perhaps?) who have declared that such a transaction garners gain on both sides.

After all, each night when the human body lies down to rest, it owes a debt for its life.  As all debts must be repaid, that same body with a mind, heart, and soul continues to own that debt, which remains “insolvent” in the bright light of day.

While night time reminds the human ego as it prays to its Creator that it has not created itself, still it must remain aware to Whom it owes its continued existence.  The speaker’s insolvency will remain because the limited human mind and heart can never repay the debt it owes its all-powerful Creator and Benefactor; only the soul can do that.